"Why won't people SHUT THE FUCK UP during a movie!? "

So its my birthday and my sister decides to take me out to movie when I have nothing else to on this momentous day. However, we decide to catch the midnight showing at a theater across town.

As it happens with us, like clockwork, at the end of the last preview and beginning of the film, the most obnoxious stragglers arrive. And in a theater of about 20 people, they pick the seats DIRECTLY behind us. HUGE THEATER. 20 PEOPLE. SEATS BEHIND US. OBNOXIOUS JOCK and GIRLFIREND. Don't get me wrong, not every jock is an ass like this guy. It's just the simplest description of him I can create for you while I'm BLINDED with RAGE. Furthermore, he brought his snooty girlfriend who actually doesn't sit right next to him but right behind me leaving a seat empty between them. That must mean they have obnoxious friends on the way and they are saving seats. FANTASTIC!

As the movie starts, I think this is the worst that can happen right now. Nope. A whole new set of problems arise when Will Ferrell mutters the first joke of the movie. Several rows down, two dickweed clowns let out the longest, noisiest, and most made-up-to-piss-everyone-off-laugh I have ever heard in a theater. How do I know they were faking it? Because they ran out of the theater as soon as the credits hit and I caught them in the lobby discussing how fast they should get out of the building before they would get their shit rocked by the audience.

The whole movie was a battle of which of these two couples could blurt out the most inane comment at the wrong moment. Comments like "What the fuck?" as Steve Carell put mayonaisse in a toaster, and "The dog came back!" or "That looks like it'll do some damage!" during an Anchorman turf war were amplified to their greatest potential as I desperately clinged to enjoy what was left of the movie. I bet their were outtakes at the end but I couldn't stay to watch them cuz I bolted out as fast as I could to avoid a possbile homicide by my own two hands.

I'm sorry this review hasn't turned out to be about the movie at all, but instead, my rant about movie discourtesy that I bet sounds familiar to everyone. The scale of this offense was so grand though... you had to be there.

The movie itself though, is funny at times. It doesn't really hit anything great out of the park until about 10 or 15 minutes in when Ron Burgundy is finally forced into conflict with his female co-anchor. His cohorts are equally amusing as they harass Veronica and act rudely and ignorantly. A number of cameos show up in the movie. Jack Black kicks Ron's dog off a bridge, Luke Wilson and Vince Vaughn are rival network anchors. Ben Stiller shows up as the anchor of the Latin channel and Tim Robbins anchors for the public access news. The movie has peaks and valleys of humor. Sometimes you get it because it's smart, othertimes just because it's silly. I'll have to see it again though because outside forces kept me from paying the right attention.

Yeah, I cussed. What are you gonna do about it? I am so mad right now! I didn't pay 9 bucks to hear two stoner clowns, a jock and his girlfriend quickly recap the events on the screen or recite dialog I just friggin' heard! Way to ruin a movie! I don't know how good this movie was, seriously. I couldn't pay attention because it was always being distracted by those dinner theater asses who've been too well trained on how to enjoy movies at home and then bring that comfort out in public at my expense! Fuck you guys in the midnight show, this day July 10th, 2004, Olde Town Arvada, Colorado! Fuck you in your stupid asses!